Lock Down

couple of our favorite 1st graders

During my volunteer time with Casey's class today, there was a lock down drill.  They have had these before but this was the first one since the tragedy in Connecticut.
On December 14, I had taken Sam to lunch at a diner when our morning errands ran long and during that lunch there was a TV set to CNN.  It only took a minute to see that something big was going on.  By the time our food arrived I was fighting back tears and feeling grateful Sam couldn't see the TV.  We drove home and once I had Sam busy playing I turned the TV on very quietly to see what they were saying.  Well, you know the rest. 
I don't know if it was because so much of our life revolves around 1st graders but this event hit me pretty hard.  I felt pretty emotional about it for a couple of days.  I was not the only parent squeezing a kid a little harder at pick up that day.
The boys don't know what happened.  Neither of them seemed to get wind of it, and we decided there wasn't much good to come of bringing it up to them.
Fast forward to today - I came in for my usual volunteer time, and the teacher whispered to me that there was going to be a lock down drill sometime this morning.  Since the last time I was there (before Dec 14), they have decided to keep all the classroom doors locked at all times.  I spend time with students on reading out in the hall (as do many volunteers up and down the hallway), making the transition between students an almost constant burden to the teacher having to open the door.  But I get it.  I really do.  Casey's teacher told me that even though the new procedure says that once they are in lock down, she is not to open her door for any reason, that she would quickly swing it open for me and a student to rush in.
When the announcement came from the principle that the school was moving into an internal lock down, the teacher let us in and she and I moved all the 1st graders to the corner of the room and got them huddled around and under a big table.  They were smushed together and there was some giggling.  The teacher told them it was very important that they be as quiet as they could be.  And they were.  Many of them held hands.  Casey was positioned in a way that I could not see him well, but now and then we made eye contact and winked at each other.  It was so quiet.  So quiet.
The kids were patient and kept looking at their teacher.  They would have done anything she said. These 6 and 7 years olds didn't know to be scared.
I felt like the teacher and I were the only ones who really knew what this was all about and that is as it should be.  I found myself feeling sad again for what happened in Connecticut, especially sitting there with these trusting, wide eyed, first graders.
I couldn't help bu think how the feel in the room would change if there was chaos or noise from the hallway.  It would be terrifying to the kids and adults alike.  How it would be harder to keep the kids quiet.  How one teacher could not possibly comfort or protect 28 students.
After about 7 or 8 minutes, the principal was back on the intercom letting everyone know the lock down was over.  There are some very specific things she has to say to indicate to the teachers that the lock down really is over, and I felt my stomach turn as I realized the situation that takes into account.
We all went back to our usual activities, the kids were unphased by the drill as far as I could tell.  I helped some kids count to 100.  As I left though I just felt sad that this is what schools have to do now.  This will be normal to our kids.  I am glad I was there - I already trusted and respected the teachers and staff of that school but I do even more now, seeing how they did that today.  I guess I will just focus on being grateful for that.