Friday was not our best day - very little listening, lots of fighting, no sharing, none of the sappy moments that make it all worth it. I told Jeff at the end of the day "If I had seen a Help Wanted sign today, I would have applied on the spot". Much of the struggle was around sharing, as it often is. Casey had a really hard time with it all day. Not only could he not let anyone touch what he wanted to play with, but as soon as someone else picked a toy, he had to have a turn immediately and when he didn't get one would really freak out - to the point of choosing to be alone in his room a few times. Part of me feels bad for him. Part of me says a little prayer that this will get easier for him. Unfortunately the biggest part of me has just about had it. It's become predictable and disappointing and I find myself getting exasperated at how he gets himself into the same position over and over. Like I said, not our best day.
Friday night we went for a long family walk and that was good for everyone. When we got home we had a quick bath and got ready for bed. Casey asked to rock which doesn't happen much anymore, so we settled into the chair. He told me he felt sad and when I asked why he said "because I don't like to share." Sigh. I told him that sharing is hard, but it's the right thing to do and that it will get easier as he gets older. After he went to bed, I thought about my response... Actually it won't get easier. Lots of problems in the world stem from adults who don't like to share. We don't share credit, we don't share blame, we don't share leadership. When we shared a lawn mower with our neighbors, people thought that was weird. We might share our time or our extra money but only on our own terms. God knows we don't share the road very well, especially when there is construction. We don't share resources and we don't often care to share our church.
So I wonder how kids are supposed to learn that sharing is the right thing. Do they see it being modeled anywhere? Adults might not throw tantrums about it like 3 year olds... well, wait. I don't know, at least Casey is honest about his struggles. Maybe feeling sad about it just puts him ahead of the curve.
Thanks for letting me share :)
3 comments:
Great insights about sharing, Bridget. I think of myself as someone who is very willing to share, but I try to see things from Clare's perspective and there are so many of my things that I tell her not to touch or play with. Of course, boundaries are necessary and good (kitchen knives, electrical cords, matches, etc.), but I try to check my reflex to say "no" when she asks if she can have/use/see something of "mine".
Thanks for sharing!
This reminds me of a comment Eric made recently after listening to the news on NPR. Something about how so many of our world problems result from people still acting like kids on their "bad" days--not sharing, not taking responsibility, etc. We definitely all have more growing up to do, no? Must be hard for Casey while he's wrestling with it, but good that he's doing that in the first place!
Your perspectives on sharing are well stated, Bridget. The reason for so much unrest in this world is due to the lack of sharing. I enjoyed reading your blog.
Matt (Fig)
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