An Open Letter to the Women that Shake their Heads at Me

In the last few months, I have had 3 experiences of judgmental women in restaurants, and its time to respond.

Dear ladies,
I couldn't help but notice your confusion, frustration, judgement, or maybe it was disappointment in my children.  But you sort of wanted me to notice right?  I mean, you don't look right at another woman's child and roll your eyes, shake your head, or make that cute "tsk" sound in an effort to go unnoticed, right?  If you didn't want me to know of your feelings you would have kept them to yourself, right?
But when I try to make eye contact with you after your clear statement, you won't look at me.  I stared for awhile but you just won't look my way.  Interesting.  If you had, I would have simply asked if there was something you wanted to say to me or my children.  But you wouldn't so I am left to try to decipher your message on my own.  Here are my guesses:
1 - You wanted to let me know that Sam is loud.  That would have been appreciated because certainly sitting next to him in the restaurant (and most of every day of his life) there's a chance I may not have picked up on the fact that this kid has some pipes and he knows how to use them.
2 - You have ideas about what I should be doing to curb the loudness.  This would also be appreciated, because clearly it hasn't occurred to me to do anything about his outbursts.
3 - You wanted to share a story about a time your child was loud and the one time swat that cured it once and for all.  I am guessing this because a few people have actually told me this story before.

Well, I don't know which it was but here is how I would have responded.  I am beyond aware that Sam is loud.  I deal with his mostly joyous outbursts all day every day - at home, at church, in stores, and yes, in restaurants.  He is a happy loud little guy and he isn't trying to ruin your dinner.  One of the reasons he continues to be loud is because I have yet to find something that makes him stop.  I have tried everything I can think of.  I have shushed him, covered his mouth, put my finger to my mouth, invited him to whisper or use his "inside voice".  I have yelled at him, laughed at him, ignored him and even given a little smack on the legs.  I have armed myself with snacks to keep his mouth occupied, sung sing alongs and tickled him to get him laughing instead of shouting.  Some of these work now and then but some of them never have.  Your look feels like you think I haven't tried anything and don't even know I should.  As if I needed a reminder that I haven't gotten it right yet, and may be in way over my head with these boys.  Lastly, people who think their child never made a scene or did one time and were corrected for life, have either forgotten that they did not actually have children or have suffered amnesia at some point.
Younger moms like me could use your knowing smile or word of encouragement; some people have even tried to distract him themselves by making funny faces or chatting with him.  These things remind me that I am not alone, that other people have imperfect children too and we are not ruining everyone's day.  But for some reason you just chose to be judgmental and disapproving.
So, here is my unsolicited advice.  Next time you are hungry, wanting to catch a meal with some other adult pals, try a restaurant without high chairs in the lobby, crayons on the table, a kids menu, or, for God's sake, meals that include toys. (That's right readers, one of these incidents occurred in a McDonalds)  There are a lot of restaurants I don't take my kids to because people like you are there expecting a quiet evening, and I can respect (envy?) that.  How about from now on, I will continue to keep my kids out of the nicer spots and maybe you would agree to check the bathrooms for diaper changing stations before you put your name on the hostess' list.  Deal?  Great, thanks.