I define screen time as any time spent with a screen in front of you whether it is a TV, a computer, or a hand held device (iPod Touch or iPhone in our house). I don't really have a formula for the right amount of time for this per day but I try to limit it. I would say that our kids have about 2 hours of screen time a day.
I know that some of you probably just gasped. But I am being honest. Between Sam's time with Sesame Street on non-preschool days and some video game time in the afternoon and a show in the evening, it adds up quick.
The problem these days is that screen time is the ONLY thing they want to do. I have come to threatening to pack up the basement playroom when they tell me "There's NOTHING to do!" We have approximately 1,000 toys and books in our basement that go days being ignored. Neither of the boys grasp the idea that going from a TV show to the computer for video games and then asking to do something on my iPod Touch is not 3 separate activities - its all screen time. Both of them have been in tears over being denied screen time, or being told screen time is up. And the whining is enough to put me in a home. Then add in that many of their friends have a DS or their own hand held device and they see them on them. Guess what these guys want for their birthdays?
One day I considered going screen free. Put it all away and even limit myself to screens only when they are asleep. Let them be bored, make them get creative, push them outside (which I should mention they love - and now that the weather is nice have been outside a lot). But you know what? It's hard for me to be screen free all day - that just isn't how the world works anymore. I have ongoing projects, things I do that require my screens and I don't have office hours in which to do them. Conversations go on all day via texts and facebook and looking at email just once a day makes you crazy, wading through it all. So, it's not a mystery why the kids want screen time. Clearly adults do it so why can't they?
I just get frustrated that the first thing Sam wants after walking Casey to school, and the first thing Casey wants after school is to play a video game. And when I say "no" which I always do because its never the first thing we do, then the crying/whining/yuckiness ensues. I have started pre-empting the question on the way home, announcing what we are doing when we get home and where the screen time fits into the larger picture. That sometimes helps.
I know its different for different families. Not everyone is home all day with an almost 4 year old wanting to play video games, but parents who work outside the home all day probably have unique challenges and I would like to hear about that too. How are you handling screen time in your house?
7 comments:
We currently do not have this problem, by the time I pick the kids up and we eat dinner and clean up there is about 15 minutes to shower time!
However, when I worked at home and it was summer time the formula I had was:
You have to do a homework assignment (print out sheet)
You have to do a chore
You have to read for 15 minutes
Each of these activites granted 15 minutes of screen time and there was the possibility of repeating them after ALL 3 were completed. However, if you want to play outside there are no prerequisites.
They whined the first week, but by the end of the summer they automatically went outside and played.
I have read another blogger saying they have "Media free Mondays."
Hi Bridget, I love your posts, BTW! Coming from a home that did not allow any screen time except for Saturday mornings, I think you have a good approach to it.
I didn't gasp at 2 hours... I think that we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be uber-moms sometimes. The truth is kids are demanding and have short attention spans, sometimes you need a little help from Mr. Screen Time just to get things done, at least I do. I used to try and limit it, but have gotten a little more relaxed with it, and as it all shakes out, now that the kids are older, we usually only have about 30 minutes to an hour of screen time between all the other stuff we have to do and most days it's none. The less anxious I am about it, the less of a draw it seems to have on my kids. But somedays we have more screen time. And some days I talk with Henry a lot about balance and say you've had 1 hour of DS time, now you need to do something active.
And if they whine, I say let them whine. They're entitled. It's something they love and it's yet another thing in a kid's world that adults say they can't do. Pretty frustrating... it at least deserves a good whine or two, maybe even some tears. So I let them whine, acknowledge the injustice of it all, reassure them that there will be screen time in the future, and then stick to my guns - it's time to do something else.
One last thought, you said it... it's a different world out there and kids need to be technologically savvy. It is a lot more interactive these days and sitting in front of the screen doesn't imply the same vegged out, brainless state that it used to. Some of it is legitimate learning. And some of it can be quality time spent with our kids if we get involved.
I think it's that ongoing quest for balance which I never find to be formulaic. As all things parenting, it seems to be one of those go with the flow, follow your instincts, kind of a thing!
I'm an "add" not "take-away" parent. Get them involved in soccer, basketball, theater, band, etc. Praise and reward those activities. And if you do things with them, even better. My kids love games of any kind, going outside all the time, etc. Of course, when I'm tired and grumpy, screen time is perfect for all of us! As for time per day, I'm not very rule-bound about it. If it seems there's been enough tv time (leapster, etc.) then we try to do something else. If we all need a whole day of down time, so be it.
My little ones loved starfall.com.
Devon is so obscessed with playing on the computer that he now has to earn time to get on (30 minutes of cleaning his room = 30 minutes of computer time).
Hi Bridget! I appreciate this post so much. We are not at this stage yet, but it's something I've thought about quite a bit. I imagined myself as a "no screen time" kind of parent before Auggie was born, but I already see many ways that my picture of what parenting would be like and the reality don't quite match up. We don't have a tv in the house and plan to keep it that way, but we do have a desktop computer two (church-owned) laptops and now a tablet. Setting healthy boundaries around screen time for us is something we find challenging. We don't have any game systems and rarely play computer games, and my plan (at this point!) is to keep that in place. I like the idea of rewarding the fulfillment of other expectations with a bit of screen time as others have suggested, but I honestly don't know what things will be like for us in a few years. It seems that the key to all of it is balance, which you seem to be seeking. And then some grace when things get out of balance and when things don't match the ideal in our minds. Thanks for sharing here!
First, I can completely relate. I'm home 6 days a week with three little ones 5 and under and I've been noticing the interest of the older two increasing each year. And while I used to be stunned when the pediatrician asked if they had more than two hours of screen time a day, now each visit I think, "Hmm, we are inching closer."
We are lucky in that none of their friends have handheld devices, at least none that I've ever seen. Also, no video games have ever come out during playdates. (Well, one time older sibs were playing, but the mom and I made a plan to only do park dates after that.)
Since my 3.5 y.o is the one most interested in shows and least interested in winter outside play, this winter I set up a bank (up to an hour) where family minutes were earned when all kids participated in outdoor play. (In the winter, I did a minute for a minute... but with the good weather, I'll come up with a new formula... maybe even a trade off for quiet reading time in the summer, up to a certain amount.)
I imagine it will involve constant negotiation as they get older. In a family with whome we are close friends and where there are older kids, they gave up all screen time during Lent. It has worked better than they imagined. I really like that idea -- pulling back as a family from time to time even for a week and discussing what changed, what things you had time for that you hadn't, etc.
Your kids, like ours, are still so little -- it is hard for me to imagine how connected we will all be in a few years! (And, since I guess I didn't say -- we average 60 minutes, combined.)
Bless you, Bridgit, as always, for making it real and being honest. We are struggling with this now. Our kids don't watch TV much but at 12 and 9, they each have their own i-touchs and reach youtube on it (Looney Tunes is their vice). We have a rule of no itouch in bedroom (precursor to no cell phones in bedroom rule). I agree with you that it is all screen time and would say that screen time fluctuates but would average it at 1.5 hours/day. To combat the "I'm bored -there's nothing to do" cry, one year I sat with the kids and typed up a list of things to do before saying "I'm Bored" and hung it on the fridge. They would go there and read and get ideas of things to do. I know this is counterintuitive but when you want a ds and some games let me know - we can outfit you! Amy
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