What is time? I have always been a person who wanted to arrive on time, start meetings on time, end meetings on time, and always get somewhere in time to find a good seat. It’s all a game of clock watching – how long will it take to get there? What if there is traffic? What time is it now? Wait, is that the clock I set 10 minutes ahead?
I have never had my sense of time shattered the way it has been the last 17 days. Even jet lag does not compare. It just doesn’t matter! I know time has passed because Jeff has a 5:00 shadow – but from what day? I know I have brushed my teeth since we got home, but when was that? When do I put my pajamas on, or get dressed again? All that matters is how long its been since Casey last ate – how long has he been sleeping – how long since he was changed last. It doesn’t matter if its noon or midnight, sunny or dark. The day is now a full 24 hours of things to do. And all that matters is how much time has past since we did that thing last.
And I have been so confused about the day and date when I have needed to know it. After we had been home a few days I was itching to get out of the house so we walked over to the church so Jeff could clear his mailbox. On the way over, I said to Jeff “It’s Friday right?” And I could tell as soon as our eyes met that I was way off. “No” he said, “Honey, its Monday”. Ok – whatever! On Wednesday night it was pouring rain and we worried about how we would get all the garbage (and we are learning babies create a lot of garbage!) out. Jeff finally went out to do it about midnight while there was a lull in the rain. Great! We are able to accomplish ordinary tasks and care for a child! Except that during the 5:30 am feeding, I realized we were a day early for the garbage man – our pick up is Friday and it was Thursday morning. Oh well.
The gift is that we have all this time – with both of us taking the summer off from work, there will be a lot of stretches where it really doesn’t matter what time it is at all. We will just be a little family trying to figure things out together regardless of time and the way it runs the world all around us. If we can remember to feed and change the baby, let Obie out now and then, and go to sleep when we need to, we will be fine. This time is truly a gift and we are so grateful for it. I cannot imagine either of us having to be at work right now!
So today we have to make a Target run – and up until just now I was bummed that we would have to go to Target on a Saturday with everyone else. But I just looked at the calendar – it’s Friday.
